Who wants me?

     They say I have the gift. They say I've come from the heavens. They say I can do anything. They say I am the prophet of our generation. Really though I'm just Chris Pond the designated driver. You may of heard of me and my adventures to Narnia. I've travelled the world in a flash. That guy in that movie ,with that other guy, was me. Jesus calls me a bro. Barrack Obama asks for me for help. Brock Lesner asks for training advice. Van camp asks for my gooder english because it's funner. I don't make typos I make new words.

     I make the world spin. The United Nations doesn't need a coalition force. They have me. I'm the bane of stupidity. The spokesperson of common sense. The director of Steven Spielberg. I made the treaty for world peace then blew it up. Others woo woman. Woman come to me. I'm superman without the tights. I'm Batman without the cave. I'm Captain America but Canadian. I'm wolverine with no metal. All great men had facial hair. I have wings. I invented the ipod. With some help from Steve Jobs. Rest in peace.

     Death fears me. Gandhi was my padawan. I CAN handle the truth. I write without ink. I drank the milky way. If I'm wrong I'm still right. I'm everywhere.  Once I saw a doo-doo bird being hatched. When I need exercise I run with cheetahs. I fight with lions. I bench hippos. I arm wrestle with gorillas. I dream of being normal. When I'm bored I rearrange the stars. I don't need a flute to charm a snake. Oprah comes on my show. She's a nice lady. Once I froze the sun. Others need excuses to be late. I just show up. Like Gandalf I arrive when I mean to.

     I melted Vanilla ice's ice ice baby. I put the em in Eminem. I gave 50 cent a quarter. Joker laughed at my jokes. I'm the ace in every deck. I grab life by the horns. Paul Rabil is on my level. I've got a touchdown. I've got a grand slam. I've got a hat trick. I got all those in the same game. I can count to infinite and back. My tears cure AIDS. Too bad I never cry. I am Heralces hero. I am the duke of Penticton. The ogopogo is my pet. I don't hold my breathe under water. I drink it. Cats and dogs groom me.

    I skate barefoot. Beethoven could hear me. I was Einstein's teacher. Once God told me to give him some power. You can't guard me. Once I blocked Shaq. I walk the speed of sound. Sutherland got her sayings from me. Mr. Clean is my maid. The phone book is my recipe book. I played a whole soccer game without diving. Kronos comes on my time. Zeus pays my electricity bill. Poseidon is my pool boy. I pulled the sword out of the stone. If god was a human he'd look like me. I am the holy grail. I am the man in mankind. I am Pondy. I have yet to face my greatest challenge. Go to college.